The worst jokes in history................ worse still?

Alex Shaw and I warned you that the jokes would deteriorate still further if you didn't buy our books.

Some of you still haven't coughed up for our masterpieces, so here is the latest, as tweeted between us;

Steve: Why are all Exxon price rises the same?
Alex: I do not know, Steven, why are all Exxon price rises the same?
Steve: Because they are all oil-hike.

For my top 100 Kindle bestselling series of science fiction adventure novels, from just $1.99 (or £1.20), please use the links at the top of this page.

For Alex's series of special forces thrillers, please visit http://alexwshaw.com/

Please buy our books now, before the jokes make this year's Christmas stocking, and EVERYONE sees them....

And for the original worst jokes in history, please visit
http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/worst-jokes-in-history-even-worse.html and
http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/worst-two-jokes-in-history.html

What do we reckon about.... Barack Obama?

You've got to admit it, he's really got something, hasn't he? What is it that makes him so special?

It's not his electric smile. It's not his liking for classic suits. It's not his crisp collars, and sharp ties.

It's the way he engages people. He's on a very short list for the greatest orator of all time. I'm an English guy, and I don't sit with his political alignment, but I was absolutely  transfixed by his electrifying inauguration speech, glued to the television in a way that I hadn't been in almost 14 years - and he's a better communicator than even the late Johnnie Cochran.

I was equally captivated by his wonderful speech in Dublin. When he speaks, you feel you've got to put your cup of tea to one side, sit down, and listen. It's not just about his style of communication, it's about technique as well. Have you ever noticed that when he's making a key point, he starts a few sentences in a row with the same words? It's a technique that secures your attention. It's a technique that conveys authority. It's a technique that adds power to his message....

When I consider Barack Obama, I sometimes think of him as the modern-day John F. Kennedy, who was also a highly gifted orator. Like Kennedy, Obama came to power at a time of economic challenge, global security concerns, and a tough foreign policy agenda. Like Kennedy, his message is one of eternal hope, for the American people, and for all the peoples of the world. And like Kennedy, he isn't afraid to take risks in pursuit of his goals, and his engagement of the masses.

His risk acceptance isn't just about the incredibly brave decision he took when Osama Bin Laden was eventually found - a judgement call that will almost certainly see him re-elected. I remember in Dublin, when he strolled amongst the crowd - his security men looked as though they were having kittens, but he shook lots of hands, and found the time to talk to a girl's mother on a mobile phone. What a great touch that was, and he took the risk of mingling with the crowd to convey his strongest message of all - he's Barack Obama, with the people, for the people. Come to think of it, that might make a great 2012 campaign slogan!

He makes you feel that he's willing to take any action, accept any risk, if it will make the world a better, safer place. And he makes you feel that he's trying to bring the peoples of the world closer together.

There can be no greater goal. Can we endorse him?

Yes, we can....



Now like me, Barack Obama is a writer. If you enjoyed reading this, please take a moment to look at my series of science fiction adventure novels, through the links at the top of this page, and at http://steven-stone.blogspot.com/

What do we reckon about.... rising fuel and energy prices? Lights out - a shocking update

A quick update to my original post on this, blaming collusion between the major petroleum and energy companies for artificially high prices.

This week, my local Borough Council put signs up on many major roads, announcing that street lights were being permanently switched off, to 'save energy'. Yellow-jacketed men soon appeared on the roads, opening up the metal panels on the lamp posts, to pull the plug. Major connecting roads from the local motorway, and routes running through housing estates and supporting facilities are unaffected, but many tree-lined roads linking local populated areas are now dark.

The local Council took the action in response to the latest round of price increases (16%, following an increase of 7% at the end of 2010!) by the record profit-making electricity companies in England. Surely it can't be right to allow these companies to do whatever they like with prices that directly impact road safety? Already, many people, young and old are looking forward with trepidation to the coming winter, wondering how they will be able to afford to keep themselves warm. Already, many people are wondering how they are going to be able to keep their cars on the road, in the face of mushrooming fuel prices. Already, many people are considering giving up their jobs, because the cost of commuting is too high.

Isn't it about time David Cameron and Barack Obama stepped in, to put the consumer before the shareholder, and force the fuel and energy companies to reduce their prices, and accept a reduction in their monopoly profits?

For my original post on this subject, see http://t.co/3tpQOmW

Review of 'Intrepid', by S.J. Wist (Fantasy Cookie).

Check out the great review of my novel 'Intrepid', by Fantasy Cookie's S.J. Wist;

'If you ever dreamed about being an astronaut and seeing the stars, in 2017, Intrepid is the space shuttle to take you there.  But when Lance and his crew inadvertently become part of the reason for a devastating nuclear war on Earth, there stands one chance for Intrepid to set things straight and save a lot of lives.  It includes time travel, but it's not going to be easy and the cost of what they will have to sacrifice is set high.

'Steve Stone adds a vivid touch to detail in this story and real characters you want to follow. He brings this ride right along speculative fiction, making you feel as if you're right there and a part of the thrill of it all.  Lance will do what is necessary against the weight of his conscience, while keeping hold of it as well.  With the help of the teenager James, both will keep you emotionally bound to the humanity of it all. Even as their mission is ultimately turned into that of playing god to save a lot of people.

'The second book, Intrepid - The Two Storms, looks to be an equally good read that I will be looking into in the near future.'

S.J. Wist.
Fantasy Cookie.
http://fantasycookie.blogspot.com/2011/07/review-of-intrepid-by-steve-stone.html

For a further review of 'Intrepid', a top 100 Kindle bestseller in science fiction, military and war, see; http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/review-of-novel-intrepid-by-martin-ince.html

For reviews of 'Intrepid - The Two Storms', see; http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/martin-ince-review-of-novel-intrepid.html, and http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/09/review-of-intrepid-two-storms-by-sjwist.html

The two novels so far released are the first in a series of four. If you're interested in acquiring the books on paperback or electronically, you'll find all the purchase links at the top of this blog.

What do we reckon about.... rising fuel and energy prices?

Whether it's electricity, gas or petroleum, it often seems that barely a few weeks pass, before we hear yet again that suppliers are putting their prices up. In today's expectations-driven world, it seems that the slightest economic shock is sufficient to produce a hike. Here in England, gas and electricity prices rose by around 7% at the end of 2010. And now, rises of 18% and 16% respectively are in the wind for August. The price of petrol at the pumps also continues to soar.

All of this is happening in a recession-dampened environment, where the British Government's target CPI inflation rate is running at around 4.5%, and the oil and energy companies continue to make enormous, record profits.

My wife Debi is disabled, and to be honest, it makes me angry that these everyday essentials seem to be the subject of sheer greed on the part of these faceless organisations. After all, they aren't so quick to put their prices down, once the latest shock has passed.

I remember phoning my current gas and electricity supplier Southern Electric, when towards the end of the last decade, oil prices reached a record high. They increased prices by 25% in response to that, and I asked them why their prices hadn't been reduced, when the cost per barrel of oil slumped, just a short time later. 'Well, Mr. Stone,' the adviser began, 'the current legislation from the Government regulator means that we can increase our prices when we need to in just one day, but we can only reduce prices once per year. We are planning to reduce our prices by 9% in the forseeable future.'

Some months later, Southern Electric did indeed reduce their prices, but what happened to the missing 16%? It fuelled their quest for ever-exploding monopoly profits, of course. Don't the energy companies know that people, young and old are struggling to keep themselves warm each winter? Don't the oil companies know that on either side of the pond, they are driving people off the road? Don't they know that many people are actually being forced to give up their jobs, because the mushrooming cost of commuting makes it simply not worthwhile anymore - you read examples of this on Twitter all the time.

So what's the answer?

Well, the truth is that the oil and energy companies are colluding with their competitors to keep prices high, so they can share out the booty. When one supplier raises prices, its competitors follow suit. When a supplier lowers its price, the competition tend to tag along. Perhaps the collusion is active, in that they're actually talking to each other about it. Perhaps it's passive, and they're just reacting to developments.

Either way, it doesn't matter to the poor consumer, who is forever lining their Scrooge-like pockets of gold. It can't be right that an effective monopoly between a small number of large, powerful organisations means that they can do whatever they please with the price of such important products. This is particularly true in Britain, where the regulator seems powerless to act, and actually appears to help these companies achieve their selfish goals.

On either side of the Atlantic, it's high time David Cameron and Barack Obama took action, to force the fuel and energy companies to manufacture their products for the people, rather than for the benefit of the shareholders. In Britain, the whole matter should quickly be referred to the Competition Commission - not necessarily to break the industries up, but to make sure they operate in the interest of the consumer. Any action would of course need teeth and speed, rather than bluster and delay....

For a shocking update on this story, please visit http://t.co/g9gLyD3

And if you enjoyed reading this, try my posts on the recession;
http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-do-we-reckon-about-recession.html
http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-do-we-reckon-about-recession_27.html
http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-do-we-reckon-about-recession-final.html

Also, please take a look at my series of science fiction adventure novels, at http://steven-stone.blogspot.com/. These great time travel stories are available from just $1.99=£1.20!

For further information on my novel 'Intrepid', a top 100 Kindle bestseller in science fiction, military and war, see;
Premise - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/premise-for-novel-intrepid.html
Review - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/review-of-novel-intrepid-by-martin-ince.html

For further information on the sequel 'Intrepid - The Two Storms', see;
Premise - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/premise-for-novel-intrepid-two-storms.html
Review - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/martin-ince-review-of-novel-intrepid.html

The illustrative graph used in this post was sourced from http://www.whatgas.com/

The best poker player on the planet is....?

Well, there are a few candidates from the professional ranks;

Chris 'Jesus' Ferguson, perhaps? He's probably the best judge of any given situation. He always tries to make "the right poker decision," i.e. call, raise or fold. And based on his cards, his chip stack, the community cards in the middle of the table, and his analysis of opponents' betting patterns, he usually gets it right.

Doyle Brunson? He's almost 80 years old now, and played a large part in putting poker on the map. A true legend of the game, he famously won the World Series of Poker Main Event twice with his trademark hand, 10-2. Sometimes seems to play for fun these days, invests chips in too many hands that he really shouldn't be playing.

Phil Ivey, maybe? Tournaments apart, I heard he'd grossed more money from cash games than any player in history. But I also heard he's been bankrupt twice - perhaps he's living proof that if you play predominantly cash poker, bad luck will always catch up with you in the end.

Steve Stone? Definitely not, although I do enjoy tournament play, and managed to win a gold chip in 2010 for finishing top of the LPPL Central England League. You'll find a link for LPPL on the right-hand sidebar of this blog.

Phil 'Unabomber' Laak? Quickly exploded onto the poker scene. Who would have thought a gimmick based on Timothy McVeigh could prove so popular? Wild player, but brilliant. Fun to watch, particularly when playing against his mate Antonio Esfandiari. Plays all sorts of hands, and mostly, even the pros can't work out when he's bluffing. The best chip management player around - behind his bluster, he's calculating risk, based on his chip stack.

How about Phil Hellmuth? 11 wins in World Series of Poker tournaments is tough to argue against. The 'Poker Brat' gets really up tight now and again, and is famous for his outrageous outbursts. Trouble is, he goes 'on tilt' all too often afterwards, trying to bluff unbluffable situations. Underneath it all, I think he's a really nice guy, and he's done an awful lot to promote poker, including some wonderful charity work.

Or maybe Gus Hansen? My goodness, his play is so wild, he sometimes makes Phil Laak look sensible. But he's almost impossible to read, and much of the time, he leaves even the pros wondering what he's doing, or going to do next. A fantastic poker player.




So who is the best poker player on the planet? For me, it's;

Antonio Esfandiari. So cool, and laid back, nothing phases him. Loves to play the game for what it is, not just for money. Very shrewd, the best reader of an opponent's behaviour around. On an episode of Poker After Dark (NBC), he made the best read of an opponent's hand I've ever seen. Antonio had A-Q, and not a mountain of chips. His opponent declared 'All-In' before any community cards were shown, which was an expensive call for Antonio. After two minutes of study, Antonio said "..you've got Ace King," and folded his hand. The opponent took the pot, shook his head, and turned over.. A-K. Maybe Antonio secretly thought his opponent had a low pair - but what a great read.



Now this blog post has been about candidates for the best poker player on the planet. On that basis, maybe the best player of all-time was;

Stu Ungar, who sadly left this planet in 1998. He won three World Series of Poker Main Event titles, and I heard he won almost 30% of all the games he ever played in.

I think that winning any Texas Hold'em poker tournament involves about 35% skill, and 65% luck. It's how the pros use the 35% that sets them apart from the rest, and it's the 65% that explains Phil Ivey's double demise - if you play cash poker for long enough, the last card over will always get you in the end. But Stu Ungar played in many big tournaments, so to win three out of every ten games played was quite remarkable....



If you enjoyed reading this, please take a look at my series of sci-fi adventure novels, at http://steven-stone.blogspot.com/.

For further information on my novel 'Intrepid', a top 100 Kindle bestseller in science fiction, military and war, see;
Premise - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/premise-for-novel-intrepid.html
Review - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/review-of-novel-intrepid-by-martin-ince.html

For further information on the sequel 'Intrepid - The Two Storms', see;
Premise - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/premise-for-novel-intrepid-two-storms.html
Review - http://stevestonechat.blogspot.com/2011/06/martin-ince-review-of-novel-intrepid.html

"Now that's what I'm talking about." ANTONIO ESFANDIARI.

What do we reckon about...... O.J. Simpson?

Most people ask just one question about O.J. Simpson - did he really do it? My quest for the truth follows, including photos of a meeting with O.J. trial judge Lance Ito, and pictures of a journey to Nicole Brown's condominium;

In 1996, my wife Debi and I enjoyed a wonderful summer tour of the Los Angeles area. Apart from the Sun, the movie industry and the theme parks, one motivation for visiting was our fascination with the criminal trial of O.J. Simpson, who was accused of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown, and her friend Ronald Goldman on June 12, 1994. We watched almost the entirety of the trial live from the UK, on the excellent Sky News channel.

One night, we dined at a Black Angus restaurant in Orange County, and struck gold. Sitting on the very next table was one of O.J. trial judge Lance Ito's court stenographers. The trial was still pretty fresh in everyone's minds, and she was talking about it with some friends. I introduced myself, and before too long, the stenographer had organised a personal appointment for Debi and myself - with Lance Ito.

That's me there, outside the Courts Building, and then in Lance Ito's office - Debi took both photos. For a couple of tourists, it was an amazing meeting - the oak door of his chamber, the red carpet, the tea and biscuits, with arguably the most famous judge in history. He couldn't talk about the trial, of course, but it was an incredible twenty minutes. He concluded by saying that the photo on the right might be worth a lot of money one day - well, I'm not sure about that, any bids please to stevestoneintrepid@live.co.uk...... I'm joking, of course.

What I am sure about is that one of the key defence arguments during the trial was timeline. On the evening of June 12, 1994, O.J. had to fly from Los Angeles, for an appointment the next day in Chicago. Taking into account his known movements, a time window of around 45 minutes was available for him to drive from his Rockingham mansion to Nicole's condominium on Bundy Drive, commit the crimes, and then return to meet his limousine taxi to the airport. 

One lunchtime during the trial, the jurors were taken on a bus trip, covering the key locations. It took the bus a long time to navigate the traffic between Rockingham and Bundy, raising the question of whether O.J. could have really got it all done in such a short time window.

We hired a red Dodge Stratus for our trip to LA, so I decided to put the timeline to the test;

I drove between Rockingham and Bundy, one busy Thursday lunchtime. I went a little over the speed limit, on what for an Englishman was the wrong side of the road, and completed the distance in exactly...... 4 1/2 minutes. That leaves 36 minutes of the time window unaccounted for, and if O.J. was at the house in the right-hand photo on the night in question, he would have driven the route on a quiet Sunday evening.

Debi is known to talk a lot, but when we arrived at Nicole's place, we got out of the car, and spent almost a full minute in silence, looking through the front gate. A feeling of sadness overwhelmed us. Then I decided to drive around to the alley at the back. It was secluded, with not much in the way of visible street lighting. Parking up, I noticed that vegitation in the nearby gardens meant that not many of the surrounding windows had a clear view of the rear of the place. 

There was a tall gate beside garages at the back of the property. Getting out of the car, my highest jump granted me only a fleeting glimpse of what laid beyond. So to Debi's amazement, I climbed onto the hire car, and got a clear view of the front gate, down the side of the place. She begged me to get down, but I stood on the car for almost a full minute.

Again, an overwhelming feeling of sadness engulfed me. But then the possible truth of what really happened that evening in 1994 hit me. Why did an old guy testify at the trial that he thought he saw O.J.'s white Ford Bronco outside the front of the place, but couldn't quite be sure? Why would someone up to no good park up at the front, when there's a quiet alley around the back? Even on a busy Thursday lunchtime, it was a full fifteen minutes before anyone came along that alley.

If O.J. was there on the night in question, maybe the old guy wasn't sure, because what he really saw was just a flash of the Bronco, on its way around the back. Maybe O.J. didn't go there to murder anyone, maybe he was really on a spying mission - it's no secret he was a jealous guy, and it wouldn't have been the first time. Maybe he pulled up at the back where I did - at night, it would have been an ideal location to sit, with the intention of observing. Maybe O.J. entered from the back, not the front, as has always been widely believed. Maybe he scaled the back gate, or quietly let himself in under the cover of semi-darkness - he owned a key to the gate, and it was also suggested in Chapter Six of his book 'If I Did It' (Beaufort Books, 2007) that the gate was broken at the time.

Maybe O.J. secretly carried a knife in the Bronco for his own protection. Maybe he kept a pair of tight-fitting driving gloves in the car. Maybe he saw the view of the front gate that I did. Maybe he saw something that enraged him. Maybe he thought the contents of the envelope Ron Goldman had for Nicole contained a romantic gift, rather than a simple pair of eyeglasses - it must have happened when Ron was handing the envelope to Nicole, because the envelope was found by police at the scene, still containing the glasses.

But the jury at the criminal trial didn't see it that way. The defence team did a marvellous job, it has to be said. DNA analysis was in its infancy at the time, and expert Barry Scheck did a great job of discrediting the almost undiscreditable. But the late Johnnie Cochran was the real star. I was transfixed to his twenty-minute summing up, right at the end of the trial. When he was talking about O.J.'s glove, who could forget the famous phrase, "....if it doesn't fit, you must acquit." I stared at the screen for a full hour and a half after he had finished speaking - that's how long it took me to re-convince myself that O.J. was indeed guilty, beyond a reasonable doubt. It would be over 13 years before an orator had me glued to the television in such a manner - it was Barack Obama, in his electrifying inauguration speech.

Perhaps it was poetic justice that O.J. Simpson was later found legally responsible for the deaths of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, in a civil trial. Maybe it was also poetic justice that many years later, O.J. was jailed on an un-related charge. Not full justice for the victims' families, perhaps, but although I'm in little doubt that O.J. did indeed do something terrible on that night in 1994, maybe we should remember that he has also achieved some good things in his life - he was 1968 Heisman Trophy winner, film actor and entertainer, sports commentator, and above all, he did a lot of work for charity.

So perhaps a small part of me wishes O.J. Simpson well, when he gets out of jail, for what will be the last few remaining years of his life. I can't say fairer than that.